The Rule of the “Exceptions”
Rejecting man's legal loopholes for God's heavenly covenant
This newsletter is chapter IV of an upcoming eBook on the scandal of Church-sanctioned divorce. If you haven’t already done so, please check out chapters I, II, III, V, VI, and VII, as well as the preface, afterword, and appendices A and B.
Irreconcilable differences
The standard evangelical line on divorce and remarriage is so incompatible with the teachings of scripture that the two truly suffer from irreconcilable differences.
While the modern Church says “Divorce and remarriage are live options in cases of adultery, abandonment, abuse, and related offenses,” Christ and the Apostles say “Divorce and remarriage during the lifetime of one’s spouse are not live options.”1 The two stances are fundamentally opposed.
When it comes to divorce, the Bible says consistently and emphatically, from cover to cover:2 “Don’t go there. Don’t walk through that door. Don’t even think about it. Nothing good comes of it.”
For the follower of Christ, divorce is not a “thing.” God never condoned it. He neither recognizes nor honors it. It is a reproach to His great name and a plague on His people. Not one divorce or unlawful remarriage in the history of mankind ever received His blessing—if it had, He would not have called it adultery (Matthew 5:32, 19:9; Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18).3
Because marriage is a lifelong covenant before God, divorce should have never even entered into the conversation, especially for believers. It did, but only because of the fall, which brought alienation from God and marital strife from the beginning (Genesis 3:8, 12). As Leslie McFall writes:4
“Divorce belongs to the effects of sin. It is the fruit of fallen, human nature. It is as inevitable as weeds. It multiplies adultery. It leaves behind a loveless landscape. Memories are full of unforgiven wrongs. The new leaf that should have turned over, keeps turning over, and running off into the distance, blown about by the demons of doubt over whether divorce was all that it was made out to be.”
Folks, we have been lied to.
To move forward on solid footing, we must forget much of what we have been taught from the pulpit on the topics of divorce and remarriage. Only then can we face the harsh realities we have been turning a blind eye to for so long and work up the courage to actually do something about them.
The “exceptions” as the rule
When it comes to divorce, perhaps the most pernicious mind virus that Christians have to be cured of is the notion of “divorce exceptions.”
Jesus’ so-called “exception clauses” in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 purportedly grant permission, at least to the “innocent” party,5 to divorce and remarry during the lifetime of his or her spouse in cases of adultery. But a careful reading of these texts reveals that neither one grants an exception to Jesus’ “Do not divorce; do not remarry” rules.6
The first clause in Matthew 5:32 turns out to be an “exemption clause” exempting husbands from responsibility for causing their wives’ adultery in cases where the wives themselves committed adultery.
The second clause in Matthew 19:9 is an “exclusion clause” excluding fornication as a grounds for divorce, not because it provides an exception to the rule, but because adulterers were put by death, rather than divorced, under Mosaic law.7
The so-called “Pauline privilege” of 1 Corinthians 7:15 supposedly allows divorce and remarriage for believers who have been deserted by their unbelieving spouses. However this turns out to be nothing more than permission for believing spouses to allow their unbelieving partners to depart if they insist on doing so. Paul says in verses 10 and 11 of that same passage that separated spouses should either remain “single”8 or get back together. In verse 39 Paul reminds his readers that one is free to remarry only after one’s spouse is dead. Given these considerations, it would be highly disingenuous to read Paul’s words in verse 15 as granting license to do the very things that both he (verses 12-14 and 39) and the Lord (verses 10 and 11) had just forbidden.
The Church Fathers, who were the initial heirs of the Apostolic traditions, were uniformly opposed to remarriage after “divorce,” which they understood as a separation of still-married persons. This was the standard, default Christian position until the Protestant Reformation.
But if the collective teachings of Jesus, Paul and, for extra credit, the Church Fathers and nearly all Christendom until five centuries ago isn’t enough to convince you, then let’s take a purely logical approach to debunking the ever-growing, all-too-convenient list of “divorce exceptions.” Let’s assume these “exceptions” to be true, for the sake of argument, and grapple with the ensuing conundrums:9
Why would God permit divorce and remarriage under certain circumstances when He considers these very same actions to be sinful under all other circumstances?
Why would Jesus put mere men in the godlike position of deciding whether or not to separate a married couple under certain circumstances when He had just affirmed that it was not man’s place to do this (Matthew 19:6, 9)?
If divorce, even when permissible, is never “God's best,” then why is it not always sinful, since sin is by definition anything that falls short of God's perfect standard (Romans 3:23; James 4:17)?
If God does not tempt anyone to evil (James 1:13), then why would He incentivize unhappily married spouses to sin with the consolation prize of divorce?10
Why would God allow “innocent” spouses to divorce guilty spouses, even those that are truly penitent, for physical acts of adultery, abandonment, and abuse, if the “innocent” spouses committed these same sins through lust (Matthew 5:28), failure to perform marital/familial duties (1 Corinthians 7:1-5, 33, 34; 1 Timothy 5:8), contemptful disrespect (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:1-7), deception (2 Corinthians 4:2; Colossians 3:9), and even goading the “guilty” party into his or her sin?11
Why aren’t divorced guilty spouses also permitted to remarry, especially if they truly repent, since their initial marriage is dissolved and they are no longer bound to their “innocent” former spouses?12
Since adultery, abandonment, and abuse begin in the heart and manifest mentally and verbally, in addition to physically (Matthew 5:21, 22, 28, 12:34, 35, 15:19; Luke 6:45; etc.), are non-physical forms of these sins also grounds for divorce?13
If God intended marriage to be for life, yet grants numerous accommodations for dissolving it prematurely, then doesn’t this suggest that He was incapable of carrying out His intentions for the institution in the face of overwhelming human opposition?
If God makes exceptions to His “Do not divorce; do not remarry” rules for certain sins, then why did He wait approximately 1,500 years after the Law was given to Moses at Mt. Sinai before revealing this critical information to His people through Jesus and Paul?14
If God grants “divorce exceptions,” is this not a tacit admission that He lowered His standard of marriage for life because it was either unrealistic or lacked foresight?
As these questions demonstrate, “divorce exceptions” make God out to be the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). An exception to God’s command prohibiting divorce is an exception to everything else God commands, since His commandments are all of a piece (James 2:10). “Divorce exceptions” say loud and clear: “Sometimes, it’s OK to commit adultery.” They allow not only the appearance, but the presence of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22). They portray God, the omniscient lawmaker, as the crafter of shoddy, incoherent legislation, no better than that offered up by the current U.S. Congress or the latest mayor of Chicago—inept, short-sighted, misguided, self-defeating.
“Divorce exceptions” are really “marriage contradictions.” They are half-baked, hand waiving, ad hoc rescuing devices15 that seek in vain to escape the inherent absurdity of God-sanctioned adultery. Worse than this, they are among the most glaring examples of the very temptations to sin that Jesus warned His followers would come in the last days (Luke 17:1; cf. Matthew 18:7). It is to our great shame that they are still set forth as a valid options for the faithful by some of our most trusted pastors, theologians, and institutions.
“Divorce exceptions” do not originate from the pages of scripture, but rather from the minds of fallen men, eager to justify their hard-hearted disobedience to God’s law (Matthew 15:9): “Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.” Desperate for an out, we embark on a mission to find the excuses we need to justify the sins we are already determined to commit—“seek and you shall find” (Matthew 7:7)—projecting onto the very words of God our own sinful cravings.
We stoop to this hypocrisy so that we can leave our struggling marriages, start over afresh with someone new, and feel good about ourselves while doing so. Otherwise, we simply couldn't live with ourselves.
Admit it: this is precisely what is going on here and we all know it—let’s stop pretending God doesn’t.
And yet there is another layer to all of this, one that goes beyond the mere fallen human impulse to justify his misdeeds. “Divorce exceptions” are a perfect example of the deceptive “doctrines of demons” that Paul warned Timothy about (1 Timothy 4:1).16 Like a crafty lawyer slithering his way around God’s clear commandments (Genesis 3:1), it was none other than the serpent himself who first whispered into married man’s ear “Has God really said ‘You shall not divorce’?”
One of the enemy’s calling cards is to manufacture clever workarounds of our consciences that enable us to sin without compunction (Colossians 2:4; 1 Timothy 4:2; 6:20; James 3:15). Indeed, to read the pro-divorce, pro-adultery arguments of Christians past and present is to read a page straight out of The Screwtape Letters—it’s devilish, upside down, scripture twisting nonsense that would do old uncle Screwtape proud.17
Let’s also be perfectly honest and admit that many, if not most Christians who file for divorce nowadays do so without even the thinnest pretense of having a “Biblical” out. Undeterred, they plow ahead anyways, banking on the belief that they can simply make things right with God afterwards. Meanwhile, God apparently just watches blithely from above, extending blanket forgiveness to all who eventually get around to asking for it (or not, either way…who cares?). Those who willfully, and with knowledge, sin in this manner are putting God to the test (Deuteronomy 6:16; Matthew 4:7; Luke 4:12), effectively backing Him into a corner and daring Him not to forgive them. If you have done this, then you are in hot water with your self-professed “Lord.”
Wherever you are coming from on these issues, one thing is undeniable: The “exceptions” have become the rule in today’s Church. The people are running wild, the world is laughing at us, and we let it happen (Exodus 32:25).
Fornication for me, but not for thee
One of the main theses of this book is that upstream of the modern calamities of “same-sex marriage,” “transgenderism,” and countless other fallouts of the ongoing sexual revolution, lies the increasingly destigmatized practice of no-fault divorce. This is particularly true of the practice when it occurs among Christians, who should of all people be holding the line on marriage “till death do us part.” Instead, we have merely adopted the kinder, gentler, “fun for the whole family!” versions of the detestable practices of the nations all around us (Deuteronomy 18:9).
Christians are therefore hypocrites of the highest order when we gripe about the abuses of marriage in the secular culture while turning a blind eye to our own denigrations of marriage through our wholesale embrace of divorce and adulterous remarriage. Who are we to condemn others’ marital sins, but make excuses for our own? Is this not a plain case of “fornication for me, but not for thee”?
Let’s get real about where things currently stand in the American Church.
Many of our once vibrant denominations are now led by either clownish, rainbow-haired lesbians, or worse, effeminate, pastel-clad, Stuart Smalley-esque pastors. Methodist, Anglican, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Lutheran, and even Southern Baptist churches (just to name a few) are experiencing massive, foundational fissures primarily on issues relating to, you guessed it, sexual sin and unlawful unions. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past several decades, this is not news to you.
But what many ostensibly solid Christians who think they are holding the line on these issues may not realize is that despite their disapproval of these perversions with their words, they have approved of, if not practically begged for them by their actions.
How could this be?
In the case of sexual sin and unlawful unions, the Church first had to accommodate the scandal of divorce and unlawful remarriage before it was ready to cozy up to the abomination of “same-sex marriage.” These are not unrelated compromises.
No longer a sacred, unbreakable, lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, marriage has been slowly demoted over recent decades to the status of a mere contract, a self-serving legal maneuver complete with prenuptial agreements, exit clauses, and endless fine print. Gutted of its significance, marriage devolved from a hallowed to a hollowed-out institution.
Having massaged our consciences to the point that we were capable of greeting the adulterous “married” couple with a welcoming smile, how could we refuse winking at the gay “married” couple sauntering into the Church foyer behind them? After all, divorce and adultery had lost their stigmas, so why couldn’t sodomy?
What we have witnessed unfolding over the past six decades is God gradually giving us over to the inevitable outcomes of our own sinful choices (Romans 1:24-32). As we have argued here previously, although there is plenty of blame to go around for this, we in the Church bear the lion's share of the responsibility.18 When Christians en masse began breaking up their families through divorce19 and proliferating adultery through unlawful remarriage, we were grooming our children to not only do the same, but to take our disobediences to their logical next steps.20 That’s called the judgment of God, and it is exactly what we deserve.21 We are not the only ones pointing this out:22
“[…] we are experiencing the judgment of God on our nation [America]. It’s not as if we’re waiting for it; it’s not as if it’s nearby. We’re in the middle of this judgment […]. When God abandons a society, the first thing that happens is a sexual revolution, inevitably followed by a homosexual revolution […].”
It is as if God has said to His people “You want to legitimize adultery by calling it marriage? Watch what happens.” Suddenly, all manner of sexual deviancy waiting patiently in line behind us steps forward and shouts “We’re next!”
When Jesus says to us “Do not separate what God has joined together” (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9), and we spout right back at Him “No! We will divorce! We will have our adultery! And You will bless it!” then we are in willful rebellion against the Lord of marriage.23 When others follow suit with their sexual sins, they are merely following our example.
Divorce defies God’s sole prerogative to end marriages by death, amounting to nothing short of a brazen affront to His authority as God almighty. Each time we divorce and enter an adulterous remarriage, we are saying to God “We will not have you to rule over us!” (Luke 19:14). It is satanic rebellion, pure and simple, for it was Satan who first said “I will be like the Most High” (Isaiah 14:14) and who told us the same lie, “Ye shall be as gods” (Genesis 3:5).
Here’s the point:
If we humble ourselves and acknowledge our complicity in denigrating marriage through divorce and adulterous remarriage, and we forsake these sins in heartfelt repentance, then there is hope that things can turn around in our lives, families, churches, and country.
However, if we pridefully insist that we are in the clear in this area and refuse to admit our role in ushering in God’s judgment on our nation, then we are at risk of sinking down into the abyss along with the rest of our rebellious culture, heavy millstones fastened securely to our stiff necks (Matthew 18:6; Mark 9:42; Luke 17:2).
God doesn’t play favorites. If we refuse to correct course, we too will be overthrown, vomited out of our land (Leviticus 18:24-28). If we amend our ways, we may still be able to get out ahead of, if not partially avert, at least some the coming judgments, rather than being swept away by them. Perhaps then, even if the Big Hurt eventually arrives, we can at least have our eternal lives as spoils of war (Jeremiah 21:9).
God our Husband
One of the downsides of living in a fallen world, particularly during a period of cultural decline, is that we are forced to spend a lot of time and effort addressing sin, the distortion of the real thing, rather than the real thing itself. The problems of divorce and unlawful remarriage require long-form treatment, but in the end, they are but sinful corruptions of the real thing, holy matrimony.
But here is the real kicker: Even marriage as we know it, as it was instituted by God at creation, is an ephemeral thing. Our marriages are short-lived because we are short-lived (Psalm 90:10), but the heavenly reality to which our temporal, earthly marriages point will live on forever (Ephesians 5:25-32, emphasis mine):
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”
Here is a “profound” statement for you: profound mysteries are…profound! When two become one in marriage, we are seeing a sign that points us to the deep, weighty, holy, unfathomable, rich, vast, overwhelming, transcendent reality of the union of Christ and His people. We do marriage a grave injustice by treating it as nothing more than a notch on our life status milestone belt (“First you are born, then you graduate from school, get a job, get married, have kids, raise them, retire, etc.”). It is no small coincidence that the Bible begins (Genesis 2:24) and ends (Revelation 19:7, 21:2) with a marriage:24
“The first cosmos was created as the home of a young couple named Adam and Eve. The new cosmos will be created as the eternal home of the Son and his bride. It is not as though marriage is just one theme among others in the Bible. Instead, marriage is the wraparound concept for the entire Bible, within which the other themes find their places.”
Clearly, we do not begin to grasp the enormity of this staggering, mind-boggling thing we call “marriage” and the covenant union between God and His people that it represents. If we did, we would not treat our marriages the way we do.
One of the deepest scriptural insights we are given into “everlasting marriage,” if you will, is found in Jesus’ “high priestly prayer,” which some have called “the holy of holies of the Gospels.” Here is just a sampling of this sublime act of supplication (John 17:11, 20-26, emphasis mine):
“And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You [God the Father]. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one. […] I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. The glory that You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one even as We are one, I in them and You in Me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that You sent Me and loved them even as You loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, may be with Me where I am, to see My glory that You have given Me because You loved Me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know You, I know You, and these know that You have sent Me. I made known to them Your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them.”
This is vertigo-inducing intercession.
The theme underlying Jesus’ requests for unity among His followers is referred to by theologians as the “mystical union” of Christ and His Church. And no, this is not some fanciful, esoteric “mysticism” we are talking about here, the stuff of monks, nuns, and ascetics. This truth is the heritage of all believers, through few have delved deeper than a few nanometers into these deep waters.
Our union with Jesus Christ, the bridegroom (Matthew 9:15; Mark 2:19; Luke 5:34, 35; John 3:29; 2 Corinthians 11:2), and with fellow members of His body, is mediated by none other than the Holy Spirit Himself (Romans 6:4; 1 Corinthians 6:17, 12:13; 1 John 4:13; Galatians 2:20, 3:27; Colossians 1:27, 3:3). It the most solid and sturdy of all bonds imaginable, so much so that Jesus repeatedly compares it to the eternal unity between the Father and Son within the Holy Trinity. In a word, this is capital “M” Marriage, as it is in heaven, rather than on earth.
It is no wonder that God describes His relationship with His covenant people Israel as a marriage, with God Himself as the jealous husband (Exodus 20:5; Jeremiah 31:32). This is why it was so fitting that the prophets described Israel’s worship of other gods as adultery, their ultimate, intimate betrayal of God (Ezekiel 16 and many others). Divorce and adulterous remarriage, then, are nothing less than cruel stabs in the back of God our Husband.
Seen from this heavenly vantage point, unfaithfulness to one’s earthly spouse is really, at bottom, unfaithfulness to one’s heavenly spouse, God. When king David confessed his adultery, he proved his grasp of this profound truth when he said (Psalm 51:4a, emphasis mine): “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” To be sure, when we adulterate our marriages by commingling them with sexual sin, we sin against our earthly spouses, children, and even our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18). But before adultery is a sin against any of these, it is first and foremost, from start to finish, top to bottom, a sin against God, and God alone, to whom we owe all our love, fidelity, and obedience. All other injured parties vanish into utter insignificance compared to God. That’s how great He is and how much we owe Him.
Divorce and adultery are deeply offensive to God. They destroy lives and mangle marriage, one of His most holy, cherished institutions. The ultimate reason God gave us marriage was to reveal Himself and how He relates to us. Divorce and adultery are ugly disfigurements of this most beautiful of divine illustrations. The worst fall out of these sins is not loss of relationship with one’s spouse and children, although those are among the sharpest pains a person can experience in this life, but rather estrangement from God, a loss of intimacy with our Maker.
Even when God was finally pushed to the point of sending Israel away with a certificate of divorce, at is were, by thrusting her into exile, never for a moment did He intend to run off with another—His plan all along was to bring His wayward bride back to her senses and back into His arms (Jeremiah 3).25 Isaiah 54:4-8 (emphasis mine):
“‘Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called. For the LORD has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid My face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,’ says the LORD, your Redeemer.”
This is our God. Bow your head in worship of Him, for His steadfast love endures forever (Psalm 136).
How we treat our husbands and wives, especially when they fail us, speaks volumes of what we know of God and who we believe Him to be. You cannot look at God’s example of loving compassion toward His bride Israel one moment, and then divorce your wife in the next. Those who do so have not truly come to know God as their Husband.
What divorce says about God
In the preface to his scholarly tome The Biblical Teaching on Marriage and Divorce, Leslie McFall writes at length about what a divorce certificate reveals about oneself, and what it communicates to others.26 Along these lines, I want to meditate on a related question, one that is more ultimate: As Christians, what do our divorces and unlawful remarriages say to others about God?
First, when we break faith with the husband or wife of our youth through divorce and adulterous remarriage, we are saying to the world “Christ abandons His bride. He goes back on His covenant promises to His people. When we are untrue to our vows, God is untrue to His. When we are faithless, God follows our lead, denying Himself” (contrary to 2 Timothy 2:13 and Romans 3:3, 4). In doing so, we are misrepresenting the holy mystery of Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32), a sin so serious that it kept Moses from the promised land.27
May it never be!
Second, we are saying “Christ is not Lord,” since we flatly disobey Him when obedience to His commands becomes too costly or difficult. The second God asks us to deny ourselves for a time for the sake of obtaining something greater for eternity, we no longer consider it worthwhile to serve Him and demand that He give us what we “deserve,” and fast.
May it never be!
Third, when we succumb to the false promises of divorce and look to it, rather than God, to save us, we neglect our great salvation (Hebrews 2:3), proclaiming to those around us “Christ hasn’t broken the power of the devil and freed us from sin’s grip.” The people who witness our marriages and families fall apart will shake their heads and say “The Lord was not able to deliver His people. He failed to make good on His promises to them” (Numbers 14:15, 16).
May it never be!
God Himself is the standard of all things, including marriage. A Christian cannot be unfaithful to his or her covenant partner because God cannot be unfaithful to His covenant partner. Divorce and adulterous remarriages are slanderous libels against God’s character. When Christians commit these sins, or approve of those who do, unbelievers see us and blaspheme God’s name (Romans 2:24), saying to themselves “Some ‘holy’ God these Christians serve.” As His priestly representatives, we are called to live in such a way that our actions reveal the truth of who God is and what He is like.28 And yet, like the faithless priests of old that God rejected, we stubbornly insist on calling unclean, adulterous remarriages “clean,” thereby deluding ourselves into thinking we are in the right.29
Divorce is a particularly public-facing sin, a bitter root that troubles and defiles many (Hebrews 12:15). It is impossible to neatly confine it to one’s private life. Think of the open shame we daily subject our Lord to with our divorce-happy ways (Hebrews 6:6)! Divorce courts may be a frequent pit stop for fallen humanity in Adam, but we are a new humanity, recreated in the image of Christ (Romans 5:12-21; Ephesians 2)—we are supposed to be different (1 Peter 2:9)!30
Speaking specifically to believers, that Bible says that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,31 for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). Christians who defame the name of God through divorce and adulterous remarriage are under His judgment. The signs are all around us for those who have eyes to see.
But God does not leave us without hope.
His message to Christians who find themselves in this dire predicament is the same today as it was at the bridegroom’s first coming: Repent (Matthew 3:2, 4:17; Mark 1:15). Revelation 2:4, 5 (emphasis mine):
“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.”
The bride of Christ must turn from her many adulteries (Jeremiah 13:27) and, in the words of the traditional marriage vow, “forsaking all others…cling only to Him.”
Counting the cost of divorce and remarriage
What does repentance look like in a Church steeped in divorce and unlawful marriages? This is not the first time God’s people have found themselves in such a bind. The Bible tells us what to do. The answers are hiding in plain sight. In the next post, we will examine the challenging, often intentionally obscured solutions to the thorny issues of divorce and remarriage. We will count the cost of following the Lord of Marriage. We will face the ugly truths about our sad condition. We will brave the daunting solutions. And, by the power of God’s almighty Spirit, we will find the strength to do the impossible.
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This of course does not mean that spouses who are, say, victims of physical abuse have no other recourse but to endure life-threatening situations at home. But neither does this imply, as some have mistakenly claimed, that divorce are remarriage are justified in such situations. See “The ministry of reconciliation” in chapter VII “Be Reconciled to God” for more on Biblical separation and how it differs from divorce.
Although our brief overview of the New Testament teachings on divorce and remarriage only touches on the Old Testament witness on these topics, we encourage our readers to search the entirety of the scriptures on these matters for themselves (Acts 17:11). The more we have done this, the more we have seen the profound consistency and singular voice of the Bible on matters related to marriage, divorce, covenants, vows, etc.
Christians must be extremely careful to guard their behavior and doctrine closely (1 Timothy 4:16), for many still walk as enemies of Christ (Philippians 3:17, 18). On the topics of divorce and remarriage, some Biblical interpreters erroneously claim that Paul departed from Jesus’ absolute prohibition on divorce (see Chak Him Chow, “Paul’s Divergence from Jesus’ Prohibition of Divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:10–16.” Open Theology. 2021; 7(1): 169–179.), and that, more broadly speaking, the Bible is just chock full of contradictions on sex (see Jennifer Knust, Unprotected Texts: The Bible's Surprising Contradictions About Sex and Desire. San Francisco: HarperOne, 2012). Sadly, this is what happens when unregenerate minds attempt to make sense of the scriptures on any given topic (1 Corinthians 2:14): “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.”
God does, however, bless lawful remarriages, that is, those that occur subsequent to the death of a spouse, and hence the closure of the lifelong marriage bond. Though Paul personally thought widows and widowers would be happier remaining single after their spouses died, he clearly states that they are free to remarry, on the condition that they marry a fellow believer (1 Corinthians 7:39).
See p. 342, Leslie McFall, The Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage. Comberton, Cambridgeshire: 2014.
Although some person’s are indeed “innocent” victims of certain sins, this term is placed in quotes throughout to underscore the fact that such a label is often misleading, given that guilt for sins like adultery, abandonment, and abuse are often shared between spouses, even if the sinful act(s) was actually committed by only one spouse.
See chapter II “The Lord of Marriage.”
As noted in chapter II “The Lord of Marriage,” the “exception clauses” occur only in the Gospel of Matthew, which was intended primarily for Jews (who did not divorce for adultery). No such clauses are found in the divorce sayings recorded in the Gospels of Mark and Luke, which were written for gentiles (who did divorce for adultery). Furthermore, there is no indication whatsoever in the New Testament that divorce was intended to function as a replacement for the death penalty in cases of adultery under the New Covenant (See section 6.3.3.2. “Did Jesus change the death penalty into a ground for divorce?” in McFall, The Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage).
This does not imply that separated spouses are “single” in the sense that they are no longer married, but only in the sense that they are not living together as a couple during the period of separation. The text says (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11, emphasis mine, bracketed text supplies implied meaning): “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried [to another man besides her husband] or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Formally, this is called a reductio ad absurdum argument and it is a powerful approach for exposing flawed propositions. By adopting an opposing proposition’s assumptions, one can follow them to their logical conclusions to demonstrate that the proposition leads to absurdity on its own terms and is therefore likely to be false.
If one responds “Guilty parties are provided no such incentive” then one must ask “Will individuals who ignored the prohibition against adultery in their first marriage honor the prohibition against adultery through remarriage?” This is especially true if the “penalty” for adulterous remarriage is to simply to expresses remorse and vow never to remarry again under similar circumstances in the future. This approach will deter no one, and will entice everyone, as history has borne out.
Even when “innocent” spouses are in no way responsible for contributing to or abetting the divorced guilty spouses’ sin(s), they are nevertheless complicit in the breakup of the marriage through their willingness to divorce and remarry and unwillingness to merely separate and forgive/reconcile.
Historically speaking, it was Erasmus who recommended in the 16th century that guilty parties should not be permitted to remarry in cases of adultery. It appears that his judgment arose not out of his study of the scriptures (he did not believe the Bible spoke directly to this issue) but rather from what he considered to be the most prudent course of action in such cases (p. 161, Anton G. Weiler, G. Barker, and J. Barker, “Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam on Marriage and Divorce.” Dutch Review of Church History. 2004; 84: 149–97.). It was also clear to him that allowing both innocent and guilty parties to remarry would be a bridge too far in the eyes of his critics (ibid.). In principle, however, Erasmus was strongly in favor of adapting such policies to the current needs of the day, and as such was not at all opposed to revising such pragmatic concessions in response to the demands of ever-changing societal dynamics.
The answer from at least some quarters of conservative evangelicalism appears to be increasingly “Yes.” See for example Wayne Grudem, “Grounds for Divorce: Why I Now Believe There Are More Than Two” (eikon. 2020; 2(1): 71–79.) and Andrew Naselli, “What the New Testament Teaches about Divorce and Remarriage” (Detroit Baptist Seminary Journal. 2019; 24: 3–44.).
Or, alternatively, were the Pharisees correct after all in claiming Moses granted divorce for certain causes (Matthew 19:7; Mark 10:4)?
According to Randy Guliuzza, a rescuing device is “a completely fabricated conjecture devised to save someone’s theory from contrary evidence” (“Major Evolutionary Blunders: Convergent Evolution Is a Seductive Intellectual Swindle.” Institute for Creation Research, 2017).
Incidentally, Paul notes that one of these demonic doctrines is the forbidding of lawful marriages. As divorce and adulterous remarriage in practice do precisely that, it is no wonder why the enemy has so pushed for their acceptance among Christians.
To list just one prominent example of this, the august Westminster Confession of Faith says that if one’s spouse is unfaithful, then one is free to divorce him or her and remarry another “as if the offending party were dead” (Chapter XXIV “Of Marriage and Divorce,” section V, emphasis mine). Note that this clever slight of hand on the part of the Westminster divines is nowhere found in scripture, which says that husbands and wives are bound by law to one another until physical death (Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:39), not some imagined “as good as dead,” “you’re dead to me,” or “mostly dead” category. This teaching on the part of the confession is a false inference based on a misinterpretation of Jesus’ teachings, since it contradicts what the Bible actually says.
See “The Coming "Rude Awakening." League of Believers, 2023.
We have hardly even mentioned the impact of divorce on children in this series. Paul addresses this critical aspect of divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 (emphasis mine): “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” What untold benefits are children of believing parents deprived of through divorce? Are the children resulting from divorced and unlawfully remarried couples sanctified in this manner, since God does not recognize these marriages as legitimate? Is anyone even pausing to consider such questions, or are we too busy plunging forward into the next marriage to properly reflect on the implications of our actions?
While most Christians are appalled at the “groomer” movement of adults sexually conditioning underaged children under the guise of teaching sex ed, make no mistake about it: Christians were grooming their children to practice sexual immorality long before the elementary school teachers were. The deadly pattern of sexual compromise we have instilled in rising generations was never capable of ending with divorce and adultery only.
See “Between a rock and a hard place” in “The Sin That's Keeping Us From the Promised Land (Part I).” League of Believers, 2023.
John MacArthur, “Living in a Perverse World.” May 20, 2022.
See “Standing with the Lord of marriage” in “The Lord of Marriage.” League of Believers, 2023.
See p. 16, Raymond C. Ortlund Jr., Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel. Dane C. Ortlund and Miles V. Van Pelt (series eds.). Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016.
For more on the topic of so-called “disciplinary ‘divorce,’” see footnote 13 in chapter VII “Be Reconciled to God.”
p. 9–11, McFall, The Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage.
See “The stone of offense and rock of stumbling” in “The Sin That's Keeping Us From the Promised Land (Part II).” League of Believers, 2023.
As Leslie McFall notes (p. 9, The Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage):
“The god of this world is delighted to see Christians enter his divorce courts to end their marriages. He knows that divorce plays into his hands, because the Christian who divorces for adultery will soon end up being an adulterer himself through a second marriage. Satan will get two adulterers for the price of one certificate.”
This is why Paul instructed believers not to resort to public, unbelieving human courts to settle their personal disputes, but rather to resolve them in the Church (1 Corinthians 5:12,13; 1 Cor 6:1-8). What a terrible witness to the unbelieving world it is when Christians join forces with the secular legal system to divorce one another (see, for example, “Lauren Boebert once told women in rocky marriages that they just need to start 'chasing Jesus' to solve their marital issues. Now she's getting divorced.” by Cheryl Teh of Business Insider)!
Some Christians mischievously interpret this verse as saying something to the effect of “the marriage bed is undefiled…so there, anything goes!” as if all manner of unclean sexual act is magically transformed into a clean thing simply by virtue of taking place on a bed of marriage between a consenting spouses. To those who argue this, Paul would say two things: 1. “To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled” (Titus 1:15); and 2. “Their condemnation is just!” (Romans 3:8).